Swamped

As has been my (unfortuntate) custom, my blog has been quiet while the rest of my life has been very very busy.

My mom was in the ICU for a few days (Good news: she did not have a heart attack and her heart is healthy. Bad news: she has atrial fibrillation, serious GI issues and a rogue ovary – all of which will require a long series of invasive testing and/or surgeries in the future).

In addition, my therapist is moving. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but I’ve been seeing her for 6 years. My life is night-and-day different since I started therapy. I have much less anxiety, my relationships are stronger and deeper, and I’ve been getting to know my “real” self and let her be more present. I’m in a bit of a panic over her leaving – my relationship with her is the closest one outside of my husband. She really “gets” me and has helped me so much. I truly feel she has helped me become the woman God always designed me to be.

I keep trying to come up with creative solutions to prevent her from moving to California, but I'm coming up dry. The solution has to be something where she would feel no pain, would stilll be able to see me, but would not be allowed out of state....ideas? I was trying to come up with some Wasington-only infectious-yet-not-to-me illness.......or, toyed with leaving a bunch of unattended duffle bags at the airport with her name on them so that Homeland Security would prevent her from leaving the state (do they do that?). Somehow, I don't think I'm going to find a solution before next Friday.

So, my mom’s been in the hospital, I need to find a new therapist, I’m taking two classes for college credit, I’ve been having a really tough time with the fibromyalgia, I’ve taken a huge step in changing churches (more on that later), I have two kids and three cats, I have my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it – I’m swamped! (And as Dave pointed out, I haven’t even got my health…unlike Prince Humperdink).*

I have many things I want to talk about, so hopefully I’ll find and make the time to get those thoughts into (mostly) understandable words and get them out here.

* Name That Movie in the comments!

On Santa's Lap...and On TV

Henry and Peter sit on Santa's lap
Watch the video here.

My children are so charming that they were on TV the other night. Well, OK, so the story wasn't actually about them, it was about the cool Santa with whome we get our yearly photos taken. We just happened to be the first in line when Evening Magazine finished their interview with him (he grows his own real beard every year and is such a sweet man). And, the clip is actually from last year - but I've had lots of people emailing me saying "Hey, was that you?". And yes, yes it was!

You can watch the little video here

The exciting thing? I am sooo much thinner now than when I was filmed here. It feels great. Too bad I got my 15 minutes of fame at my highest weight ever. Oh well! At least my kids are adorable (in my humble opinion, of course!)

This is One of Those Times...

...where having two blogs seems very artificial. For the most part, I'm very glad to have two blogs as to not make my main blog all about weight issues (and it has a slightly different readership, some of whom I don't really want reading this blog). But when my father-in-law had emergency quadruple-bypass surgery, it seemed bizarre. How can I post blithely about eating and bites and swallowing and barfing and scale hell when my husband's dad may not make it through another day?

You can catch up on the story at my pink toes.

The truth of the matter is, life goes on and on and on. My historical way of dealing with stress led me to 314 pounds and the stress isn't going to stop. The way I deal with it MUST stop, thought. That's where I love my Band. I haven't lost nearly the amount of weight I had imagined I would've by now, but I haven't gained any - in fact I've lost 40 pounds. The stress in my life doesn't seem to ever abate. I continue to look for better ways to deal with it, but it seems to creep in through all the cracks. Part of that is the curse of a chronic illness. It's like the debt you can't pay off - the mistake in your youth that haunts all of your days. Part of the curse is just the stress inherent in my life. I'm dealing with it better and better, but still have a long way to go. Cutting out food as a comfort is a big deal. Without the Band, I'd be much higher than 314 right now, desperate and miserable.

But I can't just measure my progress in what I haven't gained. The whole point was to lose 134 pounds and keep it off forever. I've been reading support group blogs and bulletin boards and am jealous of many who have lost 70 pounds already and were banded at the same time I was (April/May 2007). I'm in an introspective, refocusing phase. I need to find more ways to focus, work, and take care of myself in a sustainable way. Also, I get another fill on Thursday and for some reason this weigh-in seems like it has the highest stakes to me. I'm teetering on that "this won't work for me" feeling. I know that is partly true - the Band won't work FOR me, but it I WORK IT, it will get me where I want to go.

I should writer here more often. I worry about my posts being interesting/funny enough, but I guess I should worry less and write more. Weigh-in is on Thursday. I'll be back.