3 Good Things About Being Obese

1. You burn a LOT more calories per minute walked than skinny people.

2. You can drink 2 glasses of wine with hardly any effect.

3. Your father does not find you attractive in the least.

Speechless

No, not by any overwhelming incident, or gift (although the gifts were amazingly generous and heartfelt, and we did have a Christmas Eve ER incident…more on that later), but speechless because of laryngitis.

I felt it coming on and thought I had staved it off with a couple of days of rest and then an actual, full-on, watch-the-entire-second-
season-of-Arrested-Development-because-I’m-so-sick day. But then I woke up today, the first day of the year, with hardly any voice at all. I’m feeling mostly ok – worse than yesterday, but much better than the day before – but my voice is quite gone.

And, you've probably noticed how my voice has been gone here on the blog as well.

I’m still learning about the care and feeding of my body, my mind, my soul, and my blog. There were many things I wanted to post, but didn’t. I’m still figuring out how to do all the things that I want to in a way that feels good to me and not a chore.

Here’s to 2008. All the best to all of us, on so many levels.

My Ass, It Has Been Kicked

I have not posted in so long - especially nothing of substance. But, I have SO much I want to say. Unfortunately, desire to write does not manufacture time to write.

Why? Because I have been doing some exciting self-discovery, soul-searching and navel-gazing and the immediate net result is the realization that I need to get 15 credits done before June 20. I'm so eager to talk about what led to my decision to keep up my teacher certification and to work on (future) admission to graduate school, but I just can't. I don't have the time right now to get it in the words I want to use. (Poorly-written self-discovery smacks of teenage diary-angst and that's not exactly what I'm going for, here.)

Because? I crazily decided to do my first 5 of these credits by taking Chinese 101. Inspired by my recent trip and my interest in the culture, I plunged into the class at a local community college. I started a week behind and have been playing catch-up ever since. This class is kicking my ass! (and no, I don't know how to say that yet in Chinese).

And? I'm also teaching a bible study and we just started a new unit. Yeah, my husband thinks I'm crazy, too.

Oh, and I just emerged from the physical ass-kicking of a three-week fibromyalgia flare.

Hey! AND I got 2 fills recently. And my insurance company still sucks a little bit. And I have so much I want to say about my band. I feel like I'm brand-new at this, five months out! And I'm down a size! And I found some jeans that make my heartily-kicked ass look cute!

I think I'm going to take the other 10 credits in other areas, mostly because I miss the headspace that I need to be in to write. I haven't been able to write because even if I did have a free minute, my brain was just not in the right space to write. I miss looking at the world through the lens of words, of mulling phrases and ideas over in my brain. That headspace has been inaccessible while taking Chinese. Learning a foreign language is all vocabulary lists and dialogues and "What the heck did she say?". It's like math (or at least the only levels of math I was able to aspire to) - there is no creative thinking. It is memorizing and decoding and flashcards, flashcards, flashcards.

I'm going to try NaBloPoMo again, just to keep my fingers writing. Don't expect anything earth-shattering. It may be just a bunch of entries in really crappy Chinese. Or a month of "here's what I ate today". Yawn. Maybe I'll surprise us both and get some good stuff up here.

Right now? I should finish my homework that's due today at midnight. I got the last one (Monday's) in at 11:57pm. Maybe tonight I'll aim for 11:56.

A Not-So-Brief Update

Thanks to those of you who keep coming by and keep encouraging me. I’ve been off the grid for a while here and everywhere else in my electronic and "real" life. It was so bad that one of my best friends called last week, asking me where on earth I was “You’re nowhere on the internet. I know that means Bad Things for you.” I’m so grateful for friends like that.

I wanted to wait until I had a great post for you all – you know, one wittily written and full of amazing insight. That just hasn’t happened, so I decided to post a little catch-up blurb instead.

I’ve been under amazing stress in my personal life. The stress is diminishing from its peak, but will still be high for a bit longer.

The good news is that I continue to lose and maintain my weight. For all you playing along at home, my weight is now 276.0. Not too shabby! Not the number I’d like to have 5 months post-op (29 pounds down since then, 36 pounds down from my highest in January 2007), but much better than the alternative of going higher and higher. In the past, stress has led me to eat and therefore gain weight. So I’m going to call this a victory.

In other victorious-ness, I have gotten back into exercise. I walked so much in China and wanted to keep the activity going when I got back. Curves is my workout of choice and I’ve been giving it all I’ve got every time I go. I can work up a real sweat there when I want to. Things always feel better when I work out, but it’s so hard to make it a priority. And with my fibromyalgia, my body often feels like crap. When I’m popping the vic0din and dealing with pain so bad I can hardly see straight (like I have been lately with all this stress), exercise has no natural appeal. I’m proud of myself for going anyway. I want to remember how much better I feel mentally and physically afterward. In a paradoxical effect, research (and personal experience) have shown that exercise really helps the fibro. It also provides a way to get out of the mental hamster wheel my brain loves to spin. Thanks also to Dagny for the exercise inspiration!

I did buy ice cream the other day, though, and have made a huge dent in it. Must. Stop. I’ve got to focus on the way I feel when I eat better and exercise. I can’t change my circumstances right now, but I can develop better ways to deal with stress. Two steps forward, one step back is still one step in the right direction.

I’ve cut waaaaaaay back on alcohol, too. I know that’s made a difference in my weight (and helped me find other ways to deal with stress…I’ve never been alcoholic and never drink to get drunk, but that pattern is in my family so it starts to scare me when I have a couple drinks “to relax”).

So much more to say, and hopefully I’ll find the time and inspiration soon.

Thanks again for your care and support. I love hearing from you, and reading your blogs for inspiration as I continue my long journey.

Gratitude, Correspondence, and Links

Thanks to the many of you who have commented or sent me emails - it means so much to me to know I am not alone and that others are interested in my journey.

My email was bouncing most of last week, and I've lost a couple of them as well. If you contacted me and I didn't reply, please try again! (LeahATmypinktoesDOTcom)

Also, thanks to two Lap-Band bloggers who have said hi!
Check out: The Low-Carb Band-It (a relative newbie with a great low-carb approach that I should pay a lot more attention to - especially because carbs are b-a-d for my fibromyalgia) and Losing the Fluff (a veteran who is only TWO POUNDS from goal). Go over there and give the gals big whoo-hoos, wontcha?

Also, the Sassy Ladies of WLS webring is exploding! I love Dagny's tagline "Less Ass; More Sass". Ha! Grab a cup of water, sit back, and check out the blogs.

If you would like to be linked here - or if I've forgotten you (sorry!) please let me know. I've been behind on correspondence and after a while the virtual pile falls off my virtual desk and on to the virtual floor, never to be seen again. I know a couple people contacted me (via SmartBandsters, perhaps?) and I have not gotten back to you. Please contact me again!

I'm sure you all are considerate and highly-organized, but thanks for extending me some grace.

Cheers!

Trick Question

Every time I go in for a fill, the nurse asks a series of questions to determine if I am at the right level of Band tightness. One of these questions is, "Can you eat bread?"

Because bread, rice and pasta are on the "forbidden" list for Bandsters, I know the correct answer is, "I have no idea".

And yet, every single time, I answer, "Yes. Yes, I can".

Thankful for Lazarus, Pining for Sylvia

Lazarus
Mr. Coffee (or Signore Coffee, as I used
to call him) lives to brew another day

After de-scaling my espresso machine another two times, it seems to have (slightly) resurrected. Two out of three shots actually manage to hold the pressure without leaking tons of water into the shot. The shots are still bitter and unpredictable, and I'm wasting a ton of coffee grounds, but hey - it's espresso!

I also have a stovetop model that I received as a birthday gift (thanks, Hallie!). It is entirely different, but it works ok for lattes.

The steam wand on Lazarus will work indefinitely, so I can steam milk for as long as I need to....

Miss Sylvia
photo courtesy Coffee Geek

And since I'm saving up for THIS ---->
it might take me a long time.

THIS is Miss Sylvia. She is absolutely beautiful, not so much in form, but in function.

I really love a good espresso shot, and have learned enough about how to pull a good one. I love to pore over the specs and insight at Coffee Geek, where the information is amazing and the people are really really really passionate about their espresso.

I'm not quite that passionate (yet), but I would love to have a more reliable and robust machine. The Rancilio Silvia is widely regarded as the best espresso machine you can buy for under a thousand dollars. Yes, I said A THOUSAND DOLLARS. The good (?) news is that Miss Sylvia is "only" $540. But, I really need to buy a grinder to go with it, and the whole package costs $850.

That's a huge chunk of change for anything. And since we're now being really financially responsible (harrumph!), it will be a long time before I can afford it. But it will be a good exercise in doing without in the short term to reap long term benefits. Good things come to those who wait, right??!!

Update: My friend Shona has graciously given me her Signore Coffee machine. She claims she hardly ever uses it (being as she has to get up at the crack of dawn for her job). Wow! Mmmm - now I get to enjoy real espresso AND save my pennies. Thanks, Shona!

Mushy Margarita

strawberry margarita
Originally uploaded by Leah Smith mypinktoes.

Strawberry margaritas are mushy, right?!

I know, I know, not a "best choice". But it was sooooo yummy. A nice break from oatmeal and the everpresent-
yet-thankfully-no-longer-blended soup.

Want the recipe? Go here.

What's the Verb?

So, when I tell people what I had done, what's the correct verb?

I had a Lap-Band __________________.
(installed?...put in?....wrapped around my stomach?)

I know I can get around the whole dilemma by saying "I had Lap-Band surgery", but where's the fun in that?