Wednesday Weigh-In

259.0

You deserve more of a post than this, and I'll get one up soon.
I have maintained for this last month, in light of everything I've had going on and I'm calling it good!
You can follow more at my pink toes.

Refresh

Sitting here, looking at websites, wasting time really. Now, I don’t think that looking at websites is always wasting time – I have many that I check frequently and dearly love – but if I’m repeatedly clicking “refresh” at Bloglines, I know I’m avoiding doing something else.

I need to get deeper into what it is that I’m avoiding. I have plenty to do, and plenty that I want to do. Then why don’t I do it? Sometimes, it’s because of the horrible fatigue that I get from the fibro (but if that’s the case, why do I keep surfing instead of going to bed at night?). Sometimes, it’s because I really am tired and need a break. Sometimes, well sometimes, I don’t know why I do it. I’m avoiding something, but I don’t really know what.

I have lots of things I want to write about – why do I never get to that point?

I have books I want to read….website redesigns to ponder….many things on my to-do list that have been put off for far too long.

I used to feel guilty about spending time on myself – on resting, relaxing, or taking time out for me. Thankfully I am doing a bit better about that and thanks to counseling can see sometimes when that’s the case.

But times like this, I don’t really understand what’s keeping me back. What am I afraid of? What do I really want?

Maybe I am afraid to know.