This is One of Those Times...
...where having two blogs seems very artificial. For the most part, I'm very glad to have two blogs as to not make my main blog all about weight issues (and it has a slightly different readership, some of whom I don't really want reading this blog). But when my father-in-law had emergency quadruple-bypass surgery, it seemed bizarre. How can I post blithely about eating and bites and swallowing and barfing and scale hell when my husband's dad may not make it through another day?
You can catch up on the story at my pink toes.
The truth of the matter is, life goes on and on and on. My historical way of dealing with stress led me to 314 pounds and the stress isn't going to stop. The way I deal with it MUST stop, thought. That's where I love my Band. I haven't lost nearly the amount of weight I had imagined I would've by now, but I haven't gained any - in fact I've lost 40 pounds. The stress in my life doesn't seem to ever abate. I continue to look for better ways to deal with it, but it seems to creep in through all the cracks. Part of that is the curse of a chronic illness. It's like the debt you can't pay off - the mistake in your youth that haunts all of your days. Part of the curse is just the stress inherent in my life. I'm dealing with it better and better, but still have a long way to go. Cutting out food as a comfort is a big deal. Without the Band, I'd be much higher than 314 right now, desperate and miserable.
But I can't just measure my progress in what I haven't gained. The whole point was to lose 134 pounds and keep it off forever. I've been reading support group blogs and bulletin boards and am jealous of many who have lost 70 pounds already and were banded at the same time I was (April/May 2007). I'm in an introspective, refocusing phase. I need to find more ways to focus, work, and take care of myself in a sustainable way. Also, I get another fill on Thursday and for some reason this weigh-in seems like it has the highest stakes to me. I'm teetering on that "this won't work for me" feeling. I know that is partly true - the Band won't work FOR me, but it I WORK IT, it will get me where I want to go.
I should writer here more often. I worry about my posts being interesting/funny enough, but I guess I should worry less and write more. Weigh-in is on Thursday. I'll be back.
posts
4 comments:
I haven't got surgery yet, I'm still in the 6 mos. *cough*probation*cough* Dr. monitored diet program. I love reading about other people's experiences with it, the ups, the downs, the boring, and the fantastic. Keep writing and we'll keep reading.
Thanks for being there. :)
Keep on writing - it helps you more than you probably realize at the moment.
The other night I happened to catch an episode of The Biggest Loser, and the whole time I was watching it I was like - Yeah, they're losing, like, ten pounds in a week, but are they getting to the heart of why they gained so much weight in the first place?
Like I remember you saying in a previous post: one doesn't get to be 300 pounds without ISSUES.
I appreciate how you recognize the band as a tool, not a solution. You are still doing the hard work of changing your habits and thought patterns to make yourself a healthier person all around.
I am proud to be a cheerleader as you work double hard to lose weight AND learn to manage your stress in a new way.
I love reading your blog. I don't do it often enough, but want you to know as a sassy sister, I am right there with you. It's never enough, or that's what we tell ourselves. But to be honest, you are doing it. You've done things this year (umm, china?) that previously you would have been a no too. You are no longer waiting for your life.
And I am sorry about your pop. Prayers and well wishes go to your family.
I love reading your blog... and hell yes... you have NOT gained and you've lost!!!!! We stress eat.. and if your like me at all we speed eat and fail to chew enough..... you are right on track with the 1-3 pounds a week.... so what if your on the 1 lb track! Your skin will shrink better, and you will be healthier than you were the month before. KEEP IT UP!
Post a Comment