Stepping it Up

I had an appointment with my beloved PCP today. With all of my health problems, I was amazed that I hadn't been in to see her since August. Sadly, I have only lost 3 pounds since then. *sigh*

She is so awesome and is the one who encouraged me to get this surgery in the first place. She truly cares about me and takes time to listen to me. She is going to help with the insurance debacle, and she also set me a goal: Lose 10 more pounds by January 4. It's totally doable, but is going to take some stepping up on my part- both with food choices and with making more frequent appointments with my clinic. She encouraged me to move my other health stuff to the side for now and put all my focus into the Band right now.

She affirmed me and we did celebrate that in this year of big stressors, I have lost weight, not gained. She listened to all my frustration with the clinic (ultra-conservative fills, and unsupportive staff) and repeated some advice she had given me early on that I had fully intended to follow, yet didn't: go in to the clinic every 3 weeks, no matter what. I'm not sure why I didn't follow through with that - I think it might be because I had 3 visits in a row where the nurses were shaming and unkind and then here is the insurance problem that they've exaserbated, blaming me all the while. This kind of poor support and shaming mixed with my deep-seated issues (nobody gets to be 300+ pounds unless they have issues, trust me) shut me down. I also continue to struggle with choices and I think I was afraid to go in and hear the messages that I needed to hear about nutrition and focus and working on this weight loss in a determined way. I needed to be told in an empowering way. My clinic may not be able to do that, but my PCP does. It's sad that I can't get emotional support from my clinic, but I need to stop feeling bad about that and start seeking that support other places. I need to use the clinic as another tool.

It's time for me to step up: to not let the messages from my clinic dictate how I feel, to continue to work through my issues and not turn to food, and to work harder on making really good choices. The band can't do all the work. Not even close. I have to do my part, too.

Now I have a challenge - watch me come through!